...but I no longer live my life with expectations. Yesterday, while watching a video where ladies were voicing what motivated them, the first words I heard were: I'm motivated by the "big picture." I was stopped in my tracks; I could feel the pain of tears welling up in my eyes. I had to pause the video, and absorb the powerful emotion moving through me. I realized, in those moments, I haven't had a big picture for years. I've been surviving; failing to hope; struggling against time and fate; and releasing everything that ever mattered to me...into the wind. My shoulders shook with the revelation. When I was still again, a soft smile spread upon my face, like a pebble hitting a pond. Given the past few days, I could see, I have a "picture" now of some kind... Something I wrote, to a friend, past November, has returned to me...and a new light has sparked within my Soul.... These days, I now choose to Love and to Trust. That's my Big Picture... Bless ...
Today is a difficult day ... it's nothing like ups and downs but there's been like a lot of like transitions and topics and personal issues among them I caught one of my mother's expressions on my face while recording a video of myself! Today is a project day and I've been struggling away at my 75Hard project... I just read an article header about how cancer shortens telomeres dramatically within 7 months and it brought up issues of how my mother passed away... Suddenly I connected the dots and recognize that when I start my 75Hard program, I need to do it like my life depends on it... And for some mysterious reason - even though death for me may literally be decades away - I think it's far more true than I ever want to know it to be...
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